Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Cool Libations & Sweet Crustaceans

Cool Libations & Sweet Crustaceans

So, i guess blogging is cool now that Jessica Smith does it... she really is unattractive and frumpy, huh? awww, but i still love her. make sure you check out the picture of her in those Victoria Secret whitetrash-mom PINK shorts and chocolate Uggs, glancing at her cacophonous drapes in the mirror, hoping that for once she's not the ugliest thing in the room. So the site (and the travel guide that it's pimping) suposedly document her Spring Break, but... ummm, she's not even in school, so how does she get a spring break? I want a fucking spring break! Her favorite book is A Million Little Pieces and one of her favorite movies is Crash. And she's from... EWW! Arizona! Yeah, she and I would be BEST FRIENDS!. But I do still love her.

Does anyone care that Kristin fucked Nick Lachey?! The guy is about two shades cooler than a morning DJ... i think the real news is that her Isuzu from the first season was just sold on ebay. That thing was titties! Laguna beach logos adorning everything - hot stuff! Lo's sexy lil Jetta is on ebay right now, and even though she's my favorite, I could never pay double market value just to sniff some of Talan's dna off the backseat... now if it was her sexyass blonde dna that would be another story.

I was into Ed Hardy like FOUR DAYS before Paris's little bastard brother was into it! I'm bleeding edge! I'm on the cusp! haha. Speaking of, if you knew a quarter of the things i did at Metal Skool this week you would not be friends with me anymore. Deal! I don't mind that MTV is ripping off Vanessa Beecroft but that it's for Kanye chaps my ass... Fuck what every hip hop aficionado says, the man's beats are about as solid as his upper lip. Oh, and I know, i just know Scarlett Johansson is a huge cunt. She's not attractive, and I'm tired of hearing about her sultry voice! She doesn't sound like a stripper. Bravo.

I've got a silly little infatuation with MTVs Spring Break. Maybe I'll explain it sometime. That and my belief that myspace is going to change media and communication as we know them, and not for the better.

Stacy is too cool to come write for this, but she just answered six questions about me in a myspace survey (I'm in more top 8s than you can even dream of! ha!)

  • Is this person older than 15?: haha yeah but not his girlfriends
  • Have you done anything illegal with this person?: uhhh i think we went to a 21 and over strip club or something and im not 21...does that count? (ps, no because she used to work in one!)
  • What song(s) remind you of this person?: toybox, best friend and i love my cats...oc theme song
  • Do you trust him/her?:yeah
  • How did u meet?: worky at apple
  • Your nickname for this person? ...werd nerd?

Iso has the quote of the week! but not for here...


Monday, March 27, 2006

view from the top [that chick from elephant is fucking hot]

view from the top [that chick from elephant is fucking hot]

My fondness for summer is a new thing... the result of a large pop art collage of memory fragments - barbecues and beaches, nine p.m. sunsets and three p.m. cocktails, fireworks and friendships... jazzy jeff's chef d'oeuvre rolling on, playing basketball for hours at the park, then laying in the grass while sipping forties of mickeys and staring down onto the bosque del apache. sergio's annual party to celebrate the end of finals and kick of two months of lazy days - bianca's forty-five second kegstand, and rick getting t'wasted and blasting his 9mm into the sky. showing up at bianca's house for some donkey kong and a late-night jacuzzi sesh, hoping to hook up with a pretty girl, instead falling in love with the girl of my dreams.

amanda's birthday to mark the climax of the summer each year, followed by the restlessness of shorter days mixed with the anticipation of a new school year.

leaving college for the summer after freshman year was a heartbreaking experience. i had made friends that i would cherish forever and i knew, as i walked away from century that last time, that we would never be together again. I arrived in new mexico, but it was no longer home... it was a strange atmopshere - we didn't drink because it was fun, we drank because it was expected. mom & dad's pretty backyard and lush emerald parks were replaced with dingy upstairs apartments and sticky frat houses, and kids were too busy chasing cocaine fairies or squabbling with their outsider girlfriends/boyfriends to kick back and hang out. A few day dates and a bit of catharsis, but not the same...

summers seemed to get shorter and less eventful - there was the chabak summer, which was really strange, and the journey to the center of the earth, where i charged an entire summer worth of substance, remorse, and pain into a single evening before the summer even began. it's a gift. but even that afternoon as i kinda premeditated the evening that would change my life, I cruised across town with a smile on my face... arm out the window cholo style, echo park to hollywood to westwood, blasting the mixtape i had just created of songs from The OC, the tingle of angst and adrenaline causing me to shiver in the 85 degree sunlight as I imagined what the night had in store - i didn't know what was going to happen, but i knew everything would be different the next time i saw the sun set. the summer was over before first snowflake of the season.

last summer didn't seem to exist. a lot of the beauty of lazy summer days is the anticipation of the next [academic] year... or maybe more specifically the comfort in being able to kick back because you know that august will bring something new and exciting. when you're not in school anymore, you don't have that security (nor that three month break... and there's really nothing worse than spending those long summer afternoons in a cold fluorescent building, leaving work as the sun's setting if you're lucky).

two things defined last summer. big japan was a really fun night with very special people... getting to hang out, have a few drinks and a long dinner before seeing a really terrible concert, but having a lot of fun. and the basquiat opening the next week was the most fun i've ever had at a museum... a long summer night with one of my favorite artists, a legendary dj, a sea of seemingly happy people, and the most important person to me in the entire world... most importantly, no da-raa-ma! it doesn't get better than that. it couldn't.

things have been a lil slow lately, but i'm excited for this summer. i hope there are many more basquait and big japans this summer! k-i-t, and don't forget to sign my yearbook!



Sunday, March 12, 2006

Shhh! It's a Secret, Don't Tell

Okay, so Stacie Facie and I went to Cold Stone Creamery to totally fat out on FroYo and giggle like tweens and do pretty much anything else Oscar Wilde might write about in a bad play (or Olivia Wilde might do!). Stacie got the Peaches and Creamy and I was totally Chocolicious! Sooo yummy! But the girl who helped us was like soooo totally amazing!

Her name's Jessica but her friends call her Jess, and sometimes Jesse (but she totally flutters when a cute boy calls her by her full name!) She's been varsity soccer since the end of freshman season, but she gets totally embarassed when her dad talks about his “little superstar” because she just likes to play, and all of her friends are on the team (well, most of them are still on the JV team, but they all practice together and it's totally cool because they can come out to her games to cheer for her). She also dives and does cross country, but just because, well, they're fun and the swimmer boys are all hotties!

She's still adorably clueless about stuff like that though! She's totally innocent, but not like, in a frigid way, just like, ya know, she has all kinds of other things going on and she still giggles and blushes a lil when the juniors and seniors talk about sexy stuff when they hang out after soccer practice. Her friend Tara - she's ungodly perfect, tall slim and booblie, she's got the sexiest lil freckles near her nose and almost raven hair with eyes that are so bright cerulean that you swear she's wearing fakie contacts but shes not and all the other girl should totally hate her because she's so amazing but she's not all bitchy, she's actually kinda a nerd and makes the most retarded jokes but the way she tells them makes you laugh anyways because she's just so goofy that it makes you smile! She's kinda a slut, but not really, because she's messes around with boys, but not like, all salacious and seductively like that weird girl on The OC or that girl you knew from school who was a slut and every called her a slut and she actually only kinda was but she was so loud about it that she just became that girl. Nah, guys fall in love with her left and right because she's like the most amazing girl in history but she's totally cool about it and even jokes about it with them because she's that girl who's sooo not all girlie in the dramarama way but is all girlie because she's got soft features and and wears cutie flip skirts and pastel lacoste polos and has this charm bracelet that her dad gave her for her birthday and she wears it to parties and when the boys hear it jingling they MELT, and on dress up days at school sometimes she wears totally girlie sun dresses and if she walks past you and smiles and the sun catches her so you can see her curvy curves shining through it's pretty much like the gentle breath of jesus blowing in your ear (in that it's the most remarkable thing that you'll be like seventy years old and someone will say the word easter and it'll remind you of this girl in her skirt and you'll feel fulfilled, like life was worth it). Yeah, so she's not like slutty slutty, but more than Jesse anyways, and she goes to parties and drinks Mikes Hard Lemonade or those Jack Daniels Wine Coolers and starts bouncing around and then just always ends up grabbing a boy and making out with him like, right on the trampoline or maybe in a chaise lounge next to the pool, but always in that roll-in-the-grass sing-songy fun way where it just is what it is, not in that like back bedroom/dark side of the house/regret it monday morning way. So, she's like Jesse's best friend and tells her all about boys and Jesse just listens bright eyed because she likes boys and has hooked up with a few but not in a serious way because she's kinda shy and she's friends with a bunch because Tara always has like an entourage of guys following her around and they've got their girls but guys give 'em all kinds of attention and never have any drama and are totally crazy and just have more fun... so they've got a lil tomboyish in them, but ya know, not!

Yeah, but Jesse, she's the cute tiny blonde girl with pigtails (but she always braids them all funky for soccer tournaments, and last time she even put a streak of pink 'n' blue in and was totally a punk rock cutie and even left the streaks in after State!) and she's ridiculously adorable because she only has sugar in her voice - like, even if she was all stressed out because she was blew a corner kick last game - which she never does - and she's taking drafting and she made a kickass model but the teacher's totally a jerk and he said she needed to work harder but it was still the best model in the class and he just doesn't like her because he thinks she's an athlete princess but she's totally not, and she's not stressing over the regionals, but homecoming is the same night and she just wants to go with her girls and she and Tara are like, just gonna go stag but some of the other girls wanna go with some of the boys and its drama because some of the boys are gonna go with those superfichey bitchez who like make huge scenes about getting like a million dollar dress and have to get a limo and wanna go to a stupid french restaurant but all of the guys and Tara and Jesse and their friends were gonna go to Chuck E Cheese and play around in the bouncy-ball thingie and sneak in some Malibu and get totally buzzed, then go to the dance for like ten seconds before going to Sarah's house because her parent are like the too-cool parents that convienantly take vacations the night of stuff like this (and - yeah, Sarah + Tara, but don't ask because they totally kissed at a party once and it was the hottest - thing - EVER! but they both started laughing uncontrollably in the middle and, um, yeah. Even though Jesse's kinda shy around boys, and is super innocent she still would have done it (kissed Sara or Tara, I mean), but only because it would have been HILARIOUS! She's just like that. Yeah, and ummm, so she kinda looks like Haley Joel Osmet but in the only way that she could look like him and still be cute, and with mid-length light blonde hair and cute lil boobs (not tiny tiny, but soccer girl tiny). And because she has a really good soccer butt she can wear real panties, and not just thongs, and her and her girls have these good luck panties that they made for games and they wrote a bunch of funny dirty inside jokes on them, and the captains (oh, yeah... she's a captain) have nicknames that they wrote on them, but it's a secret!

She lives in Brentwood but isn't one of the trashy nouveau riche girls who like can't walk to her locker without stopping at Saks to recycle her closet and she isn't like those old money girls who are really not attractive and have had nose jobs and kinda like Enlightenment Era EuRoyalty are a lil in family so they don't have nose-lip-lippies like mormon kids, but , you wouldn't be surprised if they had Downs a lil, and they're just kinda grandfathered into popularity because, “Don't you know who their father is?!” Jesse is way cooler than them. She lives really pretty cottage home with her family and she doesn't have to work at Cold Stone, but her dad spends a lot of money on her soccer equipment and sending her to camp and stuff like that so it makes her feel less guilty when she can buy her own party clothes and go out with her friends without having to ask to use the credit card. She's also saving up for a totally vintage Leica camera - she took black+white photography last semester and totally got into taking pictures and she read that Diane Arbus used to carry around this old Leica everywhere she went, so Jesse is gonna take it to parties and to her games so she can totally have these awesome old black+white pics of whatever she does. Besides photography, she also takes drafting because she really likes math and maybe wants to be an architect - definitely something creative though! She has a kinda annoying younger brother (though sometimes they can be totally sweet to each other!) and an older sister who goes to William & Mary. And her daffodil & desert-sand coloured kitty, Humphrey. Oh, and also she saw these unbelievable pictures by Sally Mann and that's when she decided to start taking them herself. She loves Kate Moss too, and has a bunch of pictures from W magazine on her wall... and also pictures of Becks and one of the '99 Women's World Cup team and this really cool lightboxy glowy frosted window that she covered in pictures so they totally glow in the morning and at sunset.

She drives a RAV 4, or maybe her parents old Volvo - they like it because it's super safe and she thinks it's totally cute - it's silver so she nicknamed it Streak, and she got an iPod Mini to go with it for Chirstmas last year, but the Blue one, not the Silver. It's a stick shift, not for political reasons, but just because that's what she ended up with. She listens to Jack Johnson, but it's okay because she's still young, and it helps her chill out after swim meets and soccer games. When she's getting warmed up or working out and needs to push it, she listens to La La by Ashlee Simpson, and he doesn't really listen to hip hip alone, but her and her friends always dance to Ciara and T.I. and Usher when they get togther. She doesn't do drugs except for really special occasions, like Winter Ball and stuff, and she only smokes pot but never while she's in season, except she drinks sometimes and then she acts kinda goofy and immature but not in an annoying girlie way because she's just one of the guys - only she gets a lil flirty and suggestive if she's had enough to drink - but is totally wholesome and like, adorable!
She had a boyfriend in seventh grade but all they did was kiss, and then in eighth grade like every other weekend was someone's birthday and everyone just hooked up with everyone [well, the cool kids anyways, not like, everyone!] at the parties so no one really went out - except for that one couple that was like destined to be married since they first shared a chocolate milk and have to make a scene about being together effing everywhere with the holding hands and the PDAs and the stupid notes and they get fight more than they don't but everyone already gave up on them. But when she was a freshman she had her first real real boyfriend. He was her friend Brooke's older brother - he was a junior and when Jesse would go to Brooke's house after soccer practice and MTV out and sometimes pretend to study he would always act too cool for school and be like the jerk older brother but it was because he was totally into Jess. Their house is on the beach in Malibu and is bigger than God's, and they had these really cool bonfires and she was over one night and he did the, “Are you cold,” / sweatshirt thing and the rest was history. He also played soccer, and he did cross country during the winter. It was cool for Jess because she was friends with some of the older girls because of soccer so she got to go to Junior prom with him and go to some of those parties and people wouldn't be like, “What the fuck is the freshman doing here?!” He was totally the nicest guy and not creepy but since she wasn't that clingy girl and he wasn't all hunter/gatherer on her it was really casual and they kept being friends but just stopped being bf & gf And so she kinda canoodled with a guy here and there but nothing serious.

Okay, so maybe not, but she was precious and she looked like a Jess and both me and Stacie Facie wanted to take her home she was so cute. And.. what else Stacy?! I misssssss youuuuuu!@#!


Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Where have all the cowgirls gone?

Where have all the cowgirls gone?

Can we be friends? This is where I'll be this thursday. Some general info:

Lo began doing coke at the end of her junoir year and throughout her senoir year. You can see she was skinnier on the show but then porked up. She was not hooked on it but she was more the "jump on a bandwagon" type where if her friends did it, she would. Nikki says, "She gave my now boyfriend's friend Eric (who's now 24) oral for a ride home."

Jason is my hero - he either dropped out of or got kicked out of high school, he now lives with Ste-phen! Ste-phen! Ste-phen! and parties every night. He was reportedly in and out of rehab twice during the first season for booze et coke, and allegedly one of the big reasons he and Alex M. broke up was because he rammed her head into a wall.

Oh, and Stephen is totally fat. (take that however you like!) Take a walk on the wild side.