Shhh! It's a Secret, Don't Tell

Okay, so Stacie Facie and I went to Cold Stone Creamery to totally fat out on FroYo and giggle like tweens and do pretty much anything else Oscar Wilde might write about in a bad play (or Olivia Wilde might do!). Stacie got the Peaches and Creamy and I was totally Chocolicious! Sooo yummy! But the girl who helped us was like soooo totally amazing!

Her name's Jessica but her friends call her Jess, and sometimes Jesse (but she totally flutters when a cute boy calls her by her full name!) She's been varsity soccer since the end of freshman season, but she gets totally embarassed when her dad talks about his “little superstar” because she just likes to play, and all of her friends are on the team (well, most of them are still on the JV team, but they all practice together and it's totally cool because they can come out to her games to cheer for her). She also dives and does cross country, but just because, well, they're fun and the swimmer boys are all hotties!

She's still adorably clueless about stuff like that though! She's totally innocent, but not like, in a frigid way, just like, ya know, she has all kinds of other things going on and she still giggles and blushes a lil when the juniors and seniors talk about sexy stuff when they hang out after soccer practice. Her friend Tara - she's ungodly perfect, tall slim and booblie, she's got the sexiest lil freckles near her nose and almost raven hair with eyes that are so bright cerulean that you swear she's wearing fakie contacts but shes not and all the other girl should totally hate her because she's so amazing but she's not all bitchy, she's actually kinda a nerd and makes the most retarded jokes but the way she tells them makes you laugh anyways because she's just so goofy that it makes you smile! She's kinda a slut, but not really, because she's messes around with boys, but not like, all salacious and seductively like that weird girl on The OC or that girl you knew from school who was a slut and every called her a slut and she actually only kinda was but she was so loud about it that she just became that girl. Nah, guys fall in love with her left and right because she's like the most amazing girl in history but she's totally cool about it and even jokes about it with them because she's that girl who's sooo not all girlie in the dramarama way but is all girlie because she's got soft features and and wears cutie flip skirts and pastel lacoste polos and has this charm bracelet that her dad gave her for her birthday and she wears it to parties and when the boys hear it jingling they MELT, and on dress up days at school sometimes she wears totally girlie sun dresses and if she walks past you and smiles and the sun catches her so you can see her curvy curves shining through it's pretty much like the gentle breath of jesus blowing in your ear (in that it's the most remarkable thing that you'll be like seventy years old and someone will say the word easter and it'll remind you of this girl in her skirt and you'll feel fulfilled, like life was worth it). Yeah, so she's not like slutty slutty, but more than Jesse anyways, and she goes to parties and drinks Mikes Hard Lemonade or those Jack Daniels Wine Coolers and starts bouncing around and then just always ends up grabbing a boy and making out with him like, right on the trampoline or maybe in a chaise lounge next to the pool, but always in that roll-in-the-grass sing-songy fun way where it just is what it is, not in that like back bedroom/dark side of the house/regret it monday morning way. So, she's like Jesse's best friend and tells her all about boys and Jesse just listens bright eyed because she likes boys and has hooked up with a few but not in a serious way because she's kinda shy and she's friends with a bunch because Tara always has like an entourage of guys following her around and they've got their girls but guys give 'em all kinds of attention and never have any drama and are totally crazy and just have more fun... so they've got a lil tomboyish in them, but ya know, not!

Yeah, but Jesse, she's the cute tiny blonde girl with pigtails (but she always braids them all funky for soccer tournaments, and last time she even put a streak of pink 'n' blue in and was totally a punk rock cutie and even left the streaks in after State!) and she's ridiculously adorable because she only has sugar in her voice - like, even if she was all stressed out because she was blew a corner kick last game - which she never does - and she's taking drafting and she made a kickass model but the teacher's totally a jerk and he said she needed to work harder but it was still the best model in the class and he just doesn't like her because he thinks she's an athlete princess but she's totally not, and she's not stressing over the regionals, but homecoming is the same night and she just wants to go with her girls and she and Tara are like, just gonna go stag but some of the other girls wanna go with some of the boys and its drama because some of the boys are gonna go with those superfichey bitchez who like make huge scenes about getting like a million dollar dress and have to get a limo and wanna go to a stupid french restaurant but all of the guys and Tara and Jesse and their friends were gonna go to Chuck E Cheese and play around in the bouncy-ball thingie and sneak in some Malibu and get totally buzzed, then go to the dance for like ten seconds before going to Sarah's house because her parent are like the too-cool parents that convienantly take vacations the night of stuff like this (and - yeah, Sarah + Tara, but don't ask because they totally kissed at a party once and it was the hottest - thing - EVER! but they both started laughing uncontrollably in the middle and, um, yeah. Even though Jesse's kinda shy around boys, and is super innocent she still would have done it (kissed Sara or Tara, I mean), but only because it would have been HILARIOUS! She's just like that. Yeah, and ummm, so she kinda looks like Haley Joel Osmet but in the only way that she could look like him and still be cute, and with mid-length light blonde hair and cute lil boobs (not tiny tiny, but soccer girl tiny). And because she has a really good soccer butt she can wear real panties, and not just thongs, and her and her girls have these good luck panties that they made for games and they wrote a bunch of funny dirty inside jokes on them, and the captains (oh, yeah... she's a captain) have nicknames that they wrote on them, but it's a secret!

She lives in Brentwood but isn't one of the trashy nouveau riche girls who like can't walk to her locker without stopping at Saks to recycle her closet and she isn't like those old money girls who are really not attractive and have had nose jobs and kinda like Enlightenment Era EuRoyalty are a lil in family so they don't have nose-lip-lippies like mormon kids, but , you wouldn't be surprised if they had Downs a lil, and they're just kinda grandfathered into popularity because, “Don't you know who their father is?!” Jesse is way cooler than them. She lives really pretty cottage home with her family and she doesn't have to work at Cold Stone, but her dad spends a lot of money on her soccer equipment and sending her to camp and stuff like that so it makes her feel less guilty when she can buy her own party clothes and go out with her friends without having to ask to use the credit card. She's also saving up for a totally vintage Leica camera - she took black+white photography last semester and totally got into taking pictures and she read that Diane Arbus used to carry around this old Leica everywhere she went, so Jesse is gonna take it to parties and to her games so she can totally have these awesome old black+white pics of whatever she does. Besides photography, she also takes drafting because she really likes math and maybe wants to be an architect - definitely something creative though! She has a kinda annoying younger brother (though sometimes they can be totally sweet to each other!) and an older sister who goes to William & Mary. And her daffodil & desert-sand coloured kitty, Humphrey. Oh, and also she saw these unbelievable pictures by Sally Mann and that's when she decided to start taking them herself. She loves Kate Moss too, and has a bunch of pictures from W magazine on her wall... and also pictures of Becks and one of the '99 Women's World Cup team and this really cool lightboxy glowy frosted window that she covered in pictures so they totally glow in the morning and at sunset.

She drives a RAV 4, or maybe her parents old Volvo - they like it because it's super safe and she thinks it's totally cute - it's silver so she nicknamed it Streak, and she got an iPod Mini to go with it for Chirstmas last year, but the Blue one, not the Silver. It's a stick shift, not for political reasons, but just because that's what she ended up with. She listens to Jack Johnson, but it's okay because she's still young, and it helps her chill out after swim meets and soccer games. When she's getting warmed up or working out and needs to push it, she listens to La La by Ashlee Simpson, and he doesn't really listen to hip hip alone, but her and her friends always dance to Ciara and T.I. and Usher when they get togther. She doesn't do drugs except for really special occasions, like Winter Ball and stuff, and she only smokes pot but never while she's in season, except she drinks sometimes and then she acts kinda goofy and immature but not in an annoying girlie way because she's just one of the guys - only she gets a lil flirty and suggestive if she's had enough to drink - but is totally wholesome and like, adorable!
She had a boyfriend in seventh grade but all they did was kiss, and then in eighth grade like every other weekend was someone's birthday and everyone just hooked up with everyone [well, the cool kids anyways, not like, everyone!] at the parties so no one really went out - except for that one couple that was like destined to be married since they first shared a chocolate milk and have to make a scene about being together effing everywhere with the holding hands and the PDAs and the stupid notes and they get fight more than they don't but everyone already gave up on them. But when she was a freshman she had her first real real boyfriend. He was her friend Brooke's older brother - he was a junior and when Jesse would go to Brooke's house after soccer practice and MTV out and sometimes pretend to study he would always act too cool for school and be like the jerk older brother but it was because he was totally into Jess. Their house is on the beach in Malibu and is bigger than God's, and they had these really cool bonfires and she was over one night and he did the, “Are you cold,” / sweatshirt thing and the rest was history. He also played soccer, and he did cross country during the winter. It was cool for Jess because she was friends with some of the older girls because of soccer so she got to go to Junior prom with him and go to some of those parties and people wouldn't be like, “What the fuck is the freshman doing here?!” He was totally the nicest guy and not creepy but since she wasn't that clingy girl and he wasn't all hunter/gatherer on her it was really casual and they kept being friends but just stopped being bf & gf And so she kinda canoodled with a guy here and there but nothing serious.

Okay, so maybe not, but she was precious and she looked like a Jess and both me and Stacie Facie wanted to take her home she was so cute. And.. what else Stacy?! I misssssss youuuuuu!@#!