Friday, October 21, 2005

Kierkegaard Had a Mean Fade-Away...

Kierkegaard Had a Mean Fade-Away...

Things are never what they seem. This photo I shot last night appears to be of a Japanese freeway, but anyone who has spent any amount of time in downtown los angeles can easily recognize the object non ibidem. I was actually offended to see the second street tunnel pawned off as a japanese highway in Kill Bill. I wouldn't expect an entire film crew to fly to Tokyo for 45 seconds of screen time, but to me it was as subtle as painting the Space Needle into Caillebotte's Paris.

However to those not familiar with Hamrol's Uptown Rocker: A. They're lucky because it's fucking garbage but, B. This particular strip of 3rd street could just as well be in Tokyo, or Seoul, or Kansas, or wherevs...
I once saw Nick Bakay speak about perjury and obstruction of justice (in the context of a blowjob), and from that day forward I could never separate his giant tangerine irish face and monica's god-soaked talbots from Salem the cat... Not even Amphetamine Amb-u-ler could save Sabrina's college years... it's like that.

At school, I knew everybody in every clique and I just floated between them all. Luckily, no one made fun of me. I wasn't cool, but i was the funny guy. That's the thing about being a big kid in high school: People like you because of who you are. None of my classmates ever told me to my face that I was fat.

Tyson Ritter, TEEN VOGUE Nov 2005

The above quote could be a line from my own emo/homo biography, but it never sounded so silly until i saw it told by someone else. The line is an accurate description of how i have felt at different points in my life, but it's definitely a glass half-full way of looking at a situation. It's easy to just "float" when no one talks shit to your face, and maybe kids don't actively say it, but you are and you will always be the fat kid, and you don't realize the gravity of that until you find yourself re-living the Ryan Reynolds/JUST FRIENDS scenario over and over, wondering why, when the answer is bigger than life. Sometimes you actually forget that you're an anomaly - you pretend that you're just like everyone else, but no one else will make that mistake.

One day I may be normal. To everyone I meet, I will just be Steve - nothing more, nothing less. But to the people who knew me before, like the tunnel-drivers and downtown art patrons, I will be something/someone different - I won't be big steve anymore, I'll just be, "omg! Steve, you've lost so much weight". sometimes I wish that those people wouldn't even recognize me, that I could become an entirely new person...

but then i realize that to some people, I'll always just be the the fat, pasty, kitty[sic]-porn pervert from the eleven o'clock news.


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