Monday, May 08, 2006

Today is the greatest...

Today is the greatest...

This morning I was up early enough to catch a lil bit of the TODAY show. Congrats again to Katie for scoring that brass ring at CBS. I know we can count on her to ask the tough questions... like, "What was it like making out with Jack Nicholson? He's a hunk!" and, "That's delicious Al! I think i got a hint of taragon - is it sprinkled?" But Lilo was on with Matt - such a doll. When he asked her about substance abuse she just kinda did the plastic thing like she was too cool for the question, but then colourized her eating disorder as a a great lesson for young girls - that she's did teenage girls around the world a favor by blowing more lines than Andy Dick (and probably more cock too!) and getting on the Degrassi diet! A saint, truly a saint! I love Paris because she's confident in her luscious ways... Lilo lives the whitetrash millionaire lifestyle apologetically - which is a complete betrayal of the glam / ROCKSTAR lifestyle! Fuck a role model, but more importantly fuck a self-important bitch who thinks that by interminably hemorrhaging cum and vodka from every orifice she's giving a special gift to young girls! It doesn't count as a cautionary tale when you're creating the life every girl dreams of, going home with the cock de jour in a $200,000 Brabus! I'm sorry but I'm very protective of lil girls!

Kids are smarter than we are - they know that deep throating a bottle of 100 proof is a bad idea, they don't need to see a frumpy freckled slore's morning after pictures to figure it out! They're able to do lunch without having to heat up their spoon over torch first! Anorexia is not like AIDS, you can't get it from a toliet seat or from your gay father! You get it from your bitchy friends who are jealous that you've got boobs and from their chubby moms who spend more time at Godiva Chocolatier than at GOLDS GYM so they live the life they never had by starving their sweet lil girls. No, Nicole Richie did not give you anorexia, and no, Mischa did not make you toss your cookies during recess, but your bitchy friends and shithead mother did, and they used the 'tantes' magazine covers as ammo against you... oh, and maybe Lindsay too (Sorry guys! K, love ya, bye!). God! It's just so selfish! As if it weren't self-indulgent enough to ride a tiny dominican boy in a shower of Cristal and cocaine as he simultaneously chokes you with silky panties and smashes a syringe of tar into your thigh... but to elevate your actions and pretend like they're helpful to someone else... Ish don't think so! Sorry... random complaint... I'm looking at the hottest girl I've ever seen standing behind the second hottest girl I've ever seen. one is a Venezuelan version of Petra Nemcova, the other is holding a XXI Forever bag and flashing her fuschia bra.... Jesus.

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