A Girl With Caked Up Makeup

Correct me if I'm wrong, but TMZ.com is keeping AOL in business by video taping B-List celebrities walking from their cars to the clubs every night. I <3 Laguna Beach and Kristin, but Season 3 looks more like the rejects from Super Sweet Sixteen! Three cakeboys with two and a half fauxhawks, and six jawbreaker fugly girls desperately in need of at least three nose jobs! I know the original boys were assholes, but at least they had personality... and these gals aren't even on the same rollercoaster as Kristin and Lo! They make LC look like a princess for christ's sake! Ughs.

I was a camp organizer at work yesterday. Possibly the hottest thing I've heard this summer came from one of the kids' jiggly, sunkissed trophy mommy. Two moms were hanging out with me and my co-pilot, flirting like only unsatisfied married women can... we were incredibly amused because they were doing this with their kids sitting between us! One girl said, "Her grandma is here, we should leave them with her and take you boys out to lunch." I responded with a joke about lobster mac & cheese and she shot back, "Honey, cover your ears. [whispers] Come on, lets go get stoned and go to lunch!" Hottest. Thing. Ever!

Moments earlier she stated, "I was born in l.a., i didn't move here like some pathetic slut, trying to make it as an actress 'cos she doesn't even know how to pour drinks. My boobs are real and I'm thirty six and I'm proud of that!" One hundred times out of a hundred, i would take two 18-year-old girls over one mommy, but she won my heart!... She also was rocking a Missoni skirt, a Louis Vuitton bag, and the shinest braces I've ever seen.

I also love tvgasm on The Hills:

Like OMG! Did you see The Hills last night? There were like these modeling auditions for Teen Vogue, and like LC and Whitney were like totally working at them, and like all these boys in bathing suits had to come in, and like LC told Jason it would be only girls but then Jordan was like "There were boys there!" and Whitney was like "Take off your shirt" and Audrina was like "Let's go to Bella!" and Heidi was like "I love ditching" and Jason was like "There were boys, liar!" It was like total scandal! OMG! I have to tell you about it!