Sunday, December 24, 2006

In Love With The World, Through The Eyes Of A Girl...

In Love With The World, Through The Eyes Of A Girl...


A few things lost, a few things found... I lost my car, my father, some friends, some freedom. A lil dignity and a few el-bees, too much and never enough. Some innocence and some youth, but those we'll never get back (I read an article that said something to the effect of, "once we get older that door behind us doesn't just close, it disappears." A bit trite, but incredibly, painfully true). A lil bit of happiness but that comes and goes, and Mischa, which was hard at first but god do i love Caitlin Cooper!

I gained my own Caitlin Cooper, with the same pretty smile but with totally bigger boobs. I gained a lil hope and maybe a little confidence - professional and personal. I gained some amazing new friends and some unbelievable experiences, but nothing's ever as it seems and I really do not want to be a young James Frey so I'll do my best to not relive any of that. A few secrets... I love secrets! Some fans whom foolishly, but adorably think I'm a rockstar.

The closest thing to religion that I have is fortune cookies. When they're not terrible and generic they're inspiring and eerily precise (even if only because I'm making them so). There's something about their fragile simplicity in that Felix Gonzalez-Torres way... The day before thanksgiving I removed every trace of me from my altima - it was like dismantling an atomic bomb, full of blood and tears and memories and stories and booze and all sorts of residues of things. And after i was certain i had removed every bit of myself from the car I came upon this tiny declaration. I remember originally finding it inside of a chocolate fortune cookie that was given to me in a strange alley in San Francisco's Chinatown where people line up to buy fortune cookies. I don't stand in lines.

Happy New Year. I hope everyone gets to spend it with someone they love.

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