Wednesday, February 01, 2006

More from the desk...

More from the desk...

I'm a very private person. You maybe don't no this about me. Anyway, a little more...

  • It kinda happened without anyone even noticing, but Amanda Bynes totally contracted Hilary Duff Syndrome! Her skinny cocaine body coupled with the loss of all baby fat in her face makes her skull look gigantic and awkward, and previously adorable dimples have been replaced with an over-exaggerated point of focus (in Hilary's case, her billboard horse veneers, in Bynes' case, a Cro-Magnon fivehead). Ewww. Anna and Mary finally win. OVER HER!

  • Sadly, The OCs doucheface du jour - Johnny - will not plummet off a cliff anytime soon, nor will he be swallowed by the sea (or by Mischa) but he will finally be gone, which of course leaves a seat to be filled at the table... by everyone's favorite angsty, acted-out, pre-James-Fry, teen, Nikki Reed. Cindy says that The OC has turned into Seventh Heaven. I dont know, but if Willa Holland ever sports kitty ears and a jet black latex body suit... well, ya know. I don't hate Nikki Reed, but I'm totally over the wild card thing. I guess it's better to get a new Theresa succubus (by the by, I hope baby ryan is rocking those mommy-beaters like a champ!) than another poor decision for Mischa, but it's a problem that the last memorable characters left to Pittsburgh and Oregon about thirty seven episodes ago.

    I know why i still watch, but the show hasn't excited me since Blind Melon's No Rain brought the waterworks and 15-year old's instant messenger away messages rang in unison from the 626 to the 310, "OMG! It's raining outside and it's raining on the OC at the same time! Sooooo good!" I really wanna love Taylor Townshend, but clearly some cute taylor(ish) girl was mean to Josh Schwartz when he was just a lil geek so he's getting his revenge by with an adorable, perky princess who's more bipolar than than a bears at the San Francisco zoo. And Willa Holland... seriously, Mischa who?! Just to twist the knife, she's also 5footSeven and was the Kate Moss of young models for four years of her young life. I really liked Alex, both for Marissa and for Seth... and Zach was no Luke, but he's eons ahead of Chilly & Co. Speaking of, Luke is on the cover of yet another gay magazine this month. I haven't read any of the articles, but anyone have any clue as to whether he's just rough trade, or if he's full greco-roman?

    The 'rents used to be cool and interesting, now they're just like your 'rents. The kids used to be popular(ish) and have fun, now they're misfits, and not even awesome misfits like we were! The parties used to be decadent, now they're after-school specials. The characters are lame-duck stand-ins - each crippled by their over-exaggerated, archetypal weakness, hardly the likable / enivable, sympathy-evoking characters they once were. Adults don't speak (unless it's to scheme or scam), ryan and seth haven't had more than a 30 second conversation in a year, neither have summer and mischa (who live together! AND are best friends), nor ryan and mischa (it's as if ryan exists solely to be jealous of mischa's suitors (okay, maybe a little empathetic...) ). Everyone loved the affluent, powerful, attractive, popular families and kids of The OC because of they lived a fantastical, surreal lifestyle, but now they're the bad news bears! They're pathetic, desperate, caulfieldesque anti-heroes and it fucking kills me because i used to love this fucking show. The show hasn't made me say, "OMG! Sooo fucking good!" in a long time, but nothing has really, so maybe that's a bigger problem. Anyway, yeah - Nikki Reed.

  • Not to hurt anyone's feelings, but I really like this! Kristin Cavalleri on trying cocaine, "It was fun for, like, 20 minutes, but the next day, I just didn't feel good about myself ... It's a dirty drug. I find people who do coke to be very shady, that they're doing it makes them lie about things. I wouldn't want to date someone who's into it."
    I give her six months before she's blowing lines off greasy foriegners' dicks, either as a gold digger like 90% of the cute girls in los angeles, or just for the love of the game, like Paris. (and I have to make this clear - I'm not against this behavior). While you wait, watch her blow her lines next week on Veronica Mars!

  • Lisa Loeb is a slutty little geek girl! But totally in a cute way! People may say it sardonically, but I really do love her hit, Stay, and I even used to watch Dweezil & Lisa on the Food Network at like, four in the morning! Plus i think girls in glasses are totally sexy. I'll never watch her new show because I know it's gonna be more Dr. Phil than Dr. Drew, but she's on the nice list. While we're here though, I'm really getting tired of supergays using their over-the-top faux-diva swish as a license to be tactless and do things that are universally unacceptable, like squeezing boobs aggressively in public. I've grown so tired with the combination of a nation of Sex And The City-educated, sad, lonely, probably fat, useless women whose snouts moisten at the opportunity to have their own little non-threatening, catty, novelty-pet fag to make fun of their shoes and hair and of power bottoms who are as empty inside as Will Rogers Park after a VICE raid and who weren't hugged enough by their mothers so they overcompensate by treating every day like a Strawberry Shortcake tea party, and every unloved chick they come across like their own lil barbie. Lisa good, Isaac bad.

I think there was a lot of other stuff, but you can find that noise everywhere. I still love parker posey.


  • Parker Posey is my favorite actress of all time.

    And Lisa Loeb has WAY better songs than "Stay."

    Isn't Kristin C. playing a lesbian on Veronica Mars? HOT!

    Keep up the good work, toastycakes.

    By Blogger Isolatrix, at 9:11 AM, February 06, 2006  

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